As a 21st Century Superwoman, with a zillion-and-one tasks to oversee and perform, it's easy to lose yourself along the way. But subordinating your needs for the "greater good" is not as great as you may think. Not only is this kind of "Me last!" thinking outdated, it's shortsighted. After all, you're forgetting about the one person deserving of some much needed and well deserved TLC - you!
Now, I know what you're thinking: "I'm too busy to take time out for myself." Or, "Why spend time alone when I can spend it with my kids (or partner, or friends, etc.)?"
Well, unless you put your own needs first - at least some of the time - the quality of your interactions with others will be greatly diminished. In fact, women who don't indulge in Me Time on a regular, ongoing basis tend to feel burned out, stressed out and, ultimately, very, very resentful.
The antidote to this age-old problem? Taking Me Time to a more useful and meaningful, new level. Here, 8 ways to do it:
--> 1. Ditch the pedicure.
Sure, a nice tootsie rub or body massage is absolute Nirvana for some. But for others - myself included - girlie pampering feels like an utter waste of Me Time (the oil feels gooey, the rubbing tickles...). If you happen to fall into this category, you might want to think outside the pedicure basin. After all, there are plenty of other worthy Me Time activities calling your name.
For starters, you can: Stop by your local wine shop for a dessert-wine tasting. Hit the trail for an hour-long hike, or take a leisurely stroll through the city. Sing in a choir or a cappella group. Sign up for French-cooking classes. Check out a new band or jazz trio; join your community orchestra. As long as you're engaging in something that feels fun, pleasurable and fulfilling, you're headed in the right direction.
--> 2. Grab a partner.
Although Me Time implies time spent solo mio, it doesn't have to be. If you'd rather hang out with a pal, spouse or partner, there are no rules to say you can't. The advantage of buddying up for Me Time is that you can engage in partners-only activities, such as ballroom dancing (or salsa, or swing, or hip hop...) or tennis, squash and racquetball.
What's more, you can always find strength in numbers (think: soccer league; running club; basketball or rowing team; knitting circle or quilting bee; chess, poker or backgammon club; etc.). Which just goes to show: Me Time can be anything you want it to be, with whomever you want to spend it with.
--> 3. Write this way...
It's no surprise that one of the best, and perhaps most popular, Me Time activities is journaling. Not only is keeping a journal a wonderful way to take stock of your current reality, many women find that getting their thoughts, feelings and ideas down on paper can be extremely rewarding. Some people even turn their journals into a full-blown memoir. And whether your journal of choice is handcrafted and leather bound or a ratty old composition notebook, the result is the same: Journaling can help unclutter your mind, clarify your thinking, and help pave the way for a more rewarding and productive future.
For dozens of useful and inspiring journaling exercises, check out Natalie Goldberg's magnificent classic, Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within (Shambhala, 2006). Or, if you'd rather look outward than inward, why not try your hand at nature journaling, where you observe the natural world and sketch and write what you see? For inspiration check out Keeping a Nature Journal: Discover a Whole New Way of Seeing the World Around You, by Clare Walker Leslie and Charles E. Roth (Storey Publishing, 2003).
--> 4. Pencil "Me" in.
If busy couples are encouraged to schedule appointments for sex(!), what about scheduling some much needed and necessary Me Time? Here's how: Grab your Filofax and block off up to three hours (or more if you can afford it) of uninterrupted time per week, just for you. If this feels impossible due to family- or work-related obligations, keep your eye on the prize: a more peaceful, happier and less stressed-out existence.
It might also be helpful to warn your partner, kids, friends and colleagues beforehand that this is something that you want and need to do for yourself. Asking for support concerning your decision to practice self-care is an effective way to get your crew on your side.
--> 5. Take control.
Setting limits and establishing boundaries for Me Time is essential. If your Me Time involves an hour-long soak in a hot bubble bath, for instance, it's essential that you protect your sacred space like a hawk. That means no noisy interruptions from the outside world. No requests. No nothing. If your pleas to be left in peace are ignored or unheeded, you need to calmly yet firmly restate your need for Me Time. Eventually, the people in your life will see that you mean business. If not, you might need to make your request for privacy more obvious. Hanging a sign on the bathroom door that states: "Caution: Me Time in progress!" gives the not-so-subtle message that your needs are to be understood and respected. Nothing more; nothing less.
--> 6. Get bookish.
Of all the Me Time activities out there, being a member of a book group can add enormous pleasure, insight, and even new friendships, to your life. You can find excellent book-group opportunities at your local bookshop (my neighborhood Borders, for instance, sponsors several monthly groups - one of which includes knitting!). Or, if you know of a pre-formed group that's in need of an additional member, join up. If, however, there's a book-group drought in your area, you can always grab a few like-minded friends and start your own (for how-to tips, recommendations and reading-group guides, go to http://www.randomhouse.com/vintage/read/howto.html).
Another idea is to join (or form) a mother-daughter book group. One busy mom, Shireen Dodson, invited nine friends and their daughters, ages 9 to 12, to meet once a month to discuss books. The idea was so successful that Dodson wrote a book about it: The Mother-Daughter Book Club: How Ten Busy Mothers and Daughters Came Together to Talk, Laugh and Learn Through Their Love of Reading (Harper Paperbacks, 1997). In Dodson's book, she discusses how to organize a book group, find titles, lead discussions, and other useful tips and tricks.
--> 7. Use the barter system.
If you're a busy parent, trading off child-care duties with a pal is an excellent way to maximize Me Time. Or, if the thought of being responsible for another person's kid seems too daunting or downright exhausting, you can always find a sitter who's willing to stay with both (or more) children and split the cost with the other mom or dad.
Some parents prefer to pool their resources and form a child-care cooperative. Not only is a co-op a great money saver, it gives your kids the chance to have fun with their friends while you're off having fun on your own. No matter how you slice it, finding time for yourself sans kids can be arranged if you do some clever pre-planning.
--> 8. Use it or lose it.
Me Time doesn't have to be perfectly orchestrated - or even particularly long in duration or well thought out - in order to be effective. Case in point: You only have 20 minutes but haven't thought of how to best use the time. Instead of aimless channel surfing, you can...
Work a crossword puzzle; plan your next vacation; do some catalogue shopping; start a blog; order concert tickets; knit and purl a few rows; reorganize your closet; go for a run; write in your journal; play a game of Solitaire; paint your nails; call your mother; enjoy an ice-cream cone; take the dog (or neighbor's dog) for a walk; order in sushi so you don't have to cook; fantasize about the yummy pool boy. Or simply do nothing. Remember, it's your time and you can do whatever you want!
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